Psych Ward

Hosted ByRoss Shields

PSYCH WARD is the bastion of super-strange psycho Ross Shields. As "The Rossman", Ross was fired by some of the biggest alternative music radio stations in the USA for being uncontrollable, insane, and a danger to himself and others. Safely locked up in his own Psych Ward, Ross is now simultaneously superintendent, doctor, and patient, with a cast of characters including Nurse Sonja,Reverend Hibachi and an unwitting cast of supporting characters. Not for the faint of mind.

Can you catch cancer? OCD Files: the obsessive shower-taker.

Can you catch cancer?  How about OCD?  

You or really anyone else won’t catch cancer or OCD.  So relax.  

But first…

Nurse Sonja brings up a delicate personnel matter with Miss Mary Indigo.  Dr. Ross has to put on his superintendent hat because Miss Indigo inexplicably wants to take a day off, and that sort of thing isn’t tolerated at Psych Ward.  You know how it is. Eschatology and all that. 

What to do if you catch cancer:

The good Doctor then saves his mom from catching cancer.  He learned how to fix people that catch cancer at Delgado.  They don’t just let anyone with a pencil in there.  You really have to know your stuff, but you should also bring a pencil just in case.

Let’s review the three types of Cognitive Therapy:

  1. Plain-old Cognitive Therapy
  2. The lesser-known Cognitive Spatial Therapy
  3. And then there’s Cognitive Thary.  T-H-A-R-Y

OCD?  Don’t worry because Dr. Ross is here.

This week’s patient, Dean Martin, is an obsessive shower taker.  You know how it is with DSM-IV, right?  He happened to catch OCD when he turned 36.  Dr. Ross calls him to see if he’s feeling OK and not taking fish oil again.  That’ll make your OCD flare up.

Dr. Ross’ girlfriend broke up with him.  She wants to be friends, but she was born without any phalanges.  He doesn’t want to be friends with someone like that because who would?

OK, we’ll hang up and listen.  Go ahead.


  1. DSM-IV Made Easy Book-
  2. DSM-IV Classification-
  3. Fish Oil-
  4. No Days Off Bracelets-
  5. Basic Guide to Eschatology Book-
  6. Cognitive Therapy Book-
  7. What is Cognitive Therapy-
  8. Phalanges-

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